How I Quit Politics and Became a Semi Human Being

boxing bears

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself. – Mark Twain

In politics stupidity is not a handicap. – Napoleon Bonaparte 

Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely. – Lord Acton

Okay, so you get the point. I don’t think highly of politics or politicians or I would have selected different quotes. There’s also one about politics being a contact sport which brings me to my next subject.

Confession. I used to be a political junkie. Confession. No longer.

Politics in our country (perhaps every country) is a team sport. It’s always been like that but I’ve grown more intolerant of bad behavior as I get older.

In the United States we have two teams. Oh, there are a few other teams that pretend to be teams *wink* but we all know they’re just the minor leagues. Not even that. They’re Tee-Ball.

But getting back to the two main teams, known as Democrats and Republicans—they have clearly defined rules so if you’re involved in politics, it’s best to know them.

If your player has admirable qualities, by all means capitalize on them. But be prepared to demonize those same qualities if the player on the other team has them. For example. If your player is very smart and went to some fancy schmancy school, praise their intellect and let it be known this makes that player extra qualified. But wait. If the player on the other team also went to the same fancy schmancy school and got equally high SAT scores, then it’s best to hint that some genius is actually evil genius. Better yet, you can cast aspersions on how that player got into the fancy schmancy school to begin with.

If your player is kinda dumb but likeable, make sure everyone knows how important it is to be a man or woman of the people and play up the fact that your player has wisdom, if not book smarts. But when the player on the other team is equally dumb and equally lovable, that’s too easy. He’s an idiot, isn’t that obvious?

Sometimes, just for fun, I’ll say to a Republican that I’m a Republican but I believe in gay marriage and they’re very understanding and agree that we need to make the party more inclusive and catch up with the times. Or I’ll tell a Democrat that I’m a Democrat but believe in the Keystone Pipeline and they’ll allow as to how there’s a lot to be said for it, jobs and all.

People can be extraordinarily open minded when they think you’re on the same team.

I don’t always understand the more technical rules of the game. They have to do with parliamentary procedure and passing legislation and other stuff guaranteed to put you to sleep. But I do know that if the rules help your side score a touchdown, they’re good rules. But if they also help the other team make a basket, it’s time for those archaic rules to be changed.

None of this is new, you’re smart so you already know it. The only thing that’s new is that I recently unregistered to vote. Oh, I know it’s childish and selfish and downright unpatriotic. But there you have it. With the presidential election just around the corner, I’ll be saving a forest of trees from finding their way to my mailbox in the form of obnoxious political ads. And I won’t be getting any robocalls in the middle of dinner either.

Never fear, if there’s a huge political crisis, like a revolution or something, I’ll re-register and help to bring it to an end.

By the way, I’ve called for our political system to be changed to the parliamentary system because I so love the idea of a Grand Bargain. So far I haven’t heard back from either the Congress or our President. When I do, I’ll let you know what they have to say.


I’d like to add a few words here about April Fools’ Day which I consider to be one of the more sadistic rituals celebrated by our society. As my friend, Bonnie, so aptly put it, the only purpose of this dubious holiday is to “lure people into an emotion, then make fun of them when they [express that emotion].”

I noticed Tom Brady had a hilarious April Fools’ joke today, posting a photo of himself in a full body cast in a hospital bed.

Ah ha ha! What a riot. Wait. Who’s the fool?

Oh, and if you’ve gotten this far and still aren’t following my blog then you’re contributing to the drain of my brain cells without providing any emotional compensation. So just go to the home page and click “follow” in the bottom right hand corner. I know who you are.

(not really, just kidding…yes I do)



6 thoughts on “How I Quit Politics and Became a Semi Human Being

  1. Boy do I agree with you about politics! I re-registered as “Decline to State” a few years ago. I’m on a semipermanent “News Fast” (exceptions: sports, traffic, weather, airplane crashes and tsunamis…)

  2. Wisdom and joy in one fell swoop. I’m not ready to join you but another couple election cycles…I agree with you about the Parliamentary system. Other countries took our ideas and improved upon them, while we adopted some of their very worst practices. It’s not a complete reversal yet but another couple election cycles…

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